It's that time of year again!

Yes! It's only a full two months before I ruin every social media on Earth spaffing about Eurovision! And today is the start, because all the acts have been presented to the EBU. So of course, my tuppence worth under the cut. But first ALL STAND FOR THE NATIONAL EUROVISION ANTHEM

( Those acts in full )

So there you have it. Ballad-heavy, rare on the novelty, hopefully saved on the night by Graham Norton, worthy successor of Sir Terence of Wogan, and his withering sarcasm. As usual there will be some kind of shindig towards the semi-finals, so watch this space. There will be mandatory Opa and maybe even fondue. MAYBE FONDUE. YOU LUCKY BASTARDS.